


Absence Makes The Heart...

by winterisakiller (sparkinside)



Category: British Actor RPF, Tom Hiddleston - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Betrayal (Play) inspired, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-10
Updated: 2019-04-10
Packaged: 2020-01-11 02:13:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18420720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sparkinside/pseuds/winterisakiller
Summary: Tom returns home to the woman he loves.





	Absence Makes The Heart...

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by the rehearsal photographs that were released for Betrayal. The idea sat around on my computer for a while and as soon as I finished writing Love & Great Buildings I decided to tackle this. Thanks again to [RedKitsune](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedKitsune/pseuds/RedKitsune) for letting me throw this idea off of you. You're bad habits are rubbing off on me but I adore you anyway.

As much as he’d missed his friends in the nearly four months he’d been away, the very last thing Tom Hiddleston had wanted to do was spend his first evening home at this party. Well it wasn’t a party, per say, more of a small get together with several old friends. But the sentiment was much the same. The entire flight home he’d contemplated the various excuses he could make to avoid attending; each one feeling both feeble and rude. These were his friends, people he had desperately missed while away. And, he told himself as he’d stood in front of the mirror that adorned his bedroom wall, he’d made his promises and Jenna had insisted.  So, for better or for worse, here he was.

 

The gathering had been in full swing by the time he and Jenna had arrived. They’d made small talk as they handed over their coats and went towards the main room to mingle. He found his gaze wandering over his girlfriend’s form, drinking her in. She really was a stunning woman; long, curling chestnut hair framed her heart shaped face, deep blue eyes that shone with a confident intelligence that had always captivated him, and a tall and curving form that he’d dreamt of fondly each night he’d been away from her. God, he’d missed her. Phone calls and brief FaceTime or Skype sessions had helped but they simply weren’t enough. He’d known it had been hard on Jenna too, how could it not? And while she’d known, had stated time and again that she understood that it was all a part of his life, his work, Tom knew that she struggled with the idea of him being gone so long.

 

He had been between projects when they had met; at a bookshop on a surprisingly rare sunny April afternoon. He’d noticed her standing in one of the shops corners, nose buried in novel; attention laser focused on the words before her. She was stunning, her hair piled high on her head in a messy knot, green woolen coat worn over a pair of dark and snug jeans. She hadn’t seemed to take any note of him nor his staring, for which Tom was exceedingly grateful. It had taken him a good five minutes to pluck up the nerve to approach her and figure out just what he was going to say. It wasn’t that he didn’t know how to flirt, many women could attest to just how talented he was in that department, more that something in him screamed that she was different, special. Someone he should approach with more than an effective, but trite, line.

 

The smile that had spread across her face that afternoon still resonated in his mind. She had been flustered initially by his attentions, tripping adorably over her words and blushing in the most alluring way. She’d been hesitant, though, when he’d asked her for coffee. She’d been well aware who he was and understandably cautious about what such an invitation could mean. Tom hadn’t been able to blame her; his life had a horribly tendency to be dissected and he knew very few people who would willingly sign up for such a thing. In the end, though, she had agreed and it had been one of the best afternoons he’d had in far too long. They’d sat in that tiny café for hours talking about any and everything they could think of. She was brilliant and quick on her feet; several times Tom felt as though he was trying to keep pace with her. They’d parted reluctantly that afternoon, exchanging numbers and promises to do this again and soon.

 

And they had. In those few blissful weeks he was off, he’d seen Jenna as often as he could manage; coffee dates, lunches, dinner, movies, any and everything he could think of. She’d been just as keen; taking to texting him at random intervals throughout the day and spending long stretches of time after their dates just talking with him on the phone. When the responsibilities of his life came calling he’d been as honest with her as he could; he would be gone for long stretches at a time and some of those with little to no phone reception, he tended to throw himself into projects and characters to the determinant of those around him, that being with him wasn’t something he would wish on anyone and as much as he had come to care for her he would understand if this was too much to handle far too soon into whatever they were becoming. She’d been honest with him in turn; she hadn’t been sure if she could handle it but she wanted to at least try. Whatever they were, she’d actually chuckled at that, he was worth the effort at the very least.

 

The separation had been difficult on them both and Tom, for his part, did all that he could to be as available as time and demand could make him. They spoke on the phone at least once a day, usually as he was headed to bed and she was getting ready to start her day, and texted often. Face Time and Skype had been instrumental in helping to keep the connection open between them. But they had survived and thrived in the years since. There had been other separations and other struggles but they had borne them together and had come out stronger for them.

 

And standing beside her now as they chatted with friends, Tom couldn’t help but be grateful still that she had taken that chance on him. That she was still taking it. His life wasn’t the easiest to be a part of, he knew that all too well. But she was here and that meant the world to him. He allowed his hand to rest gently on the small of her back, simply enjoying the warmth of her beside him. He listened as she talked with their friends, chiming in when appropriate until he’d been dragged away by Ben who’d insisted Tom join in whatever discussion he’d been having about filming locations with a mutual actor friend. She’d smiled and nodded as he left before quickly becoming absorbed in the conversation again.

 

Talking shop with Ben and Harry was pleasant; he’d known both for a long while now and catching up with them had always been something he enjoyed and looked forward to. Harry was about to start filming in the states, his first time there, and had wanted opinions and advice from his fellow actors. As they chatted amicably, Tom found his attention wandering. He was bone tired but despite it all, glad he had come.

 

His eyes flitted back to where he’d seen Jenna last to find her gone. He thought little of it, she’d come to know a great many of his friends well in the years they’d been together and had made many more of her own. Wandering off wasn’t something completely new for her. Paying it little mind, he allowed himself to be pulled back in by Harry’s questions as he nursed the same drink he’d had since the party started.

 

Drink finally empty. Tom made his excuses and headed back towards the small bar near the kitchen. He, in all honestly, probably shouldn’t go for another whiskey given how exhausted he truly was but this was a party and he’d desperately wanted to let go and relax. He found the desired bottle sitting on the shelf behind the makeshift bar and poured himself two fingers. This would be it for tonight, he reasoned. He took a slow, deep sip, enjoying the way the alcohol burned as it slid down his throat. A pleasant buzz would be enough to carry him through the rest of the night. As he made his way back to the main room a noise caught his attention. Two voices carried from a darkened hallway; one male one female talking in heated whispers. He should have kept walking; whatever lover’s tiff he’d inadvertently stumbled upon would most likely be helped not at all by his unwanted presence.

 

Tom had fully intended to keep walking, intent on finding Ben again and asking after his family cursing the fact that he hadn’t thought to do so beforehand. But the sound of his name in a whispered hiss stopped him in his tracks. Was someone calling out to him? And if so, why in such a manner? It didn’t make any sort of sense. He turned towards the hallway, half hidden behind a ridiculously large potted plant, to see who had called out to him. Jenna came into view in the dim light and he’d been about to call out to her when he saw a hand grab her arm, slowing her retreat.

 

“Jen, please. We have to tell him. You know we do.” The dark head of one of his oldest friends, Matthew, appeared beside her. He watched the expression in the other man’s eyes and felt at once that he’d stumbled upon something he very much should not have.

 

He turned and made a quick and hopefully quiet retreat back towards the main area of the house. His mind was spinning with what he had just seen. A lover’s tiff, Matt and Jenna, surely not? That was utterly ridiculous. Neither of them would ever…But still the idea wouldn’t seem to leave his head. God, he really shouldn’t have gone for that second drink. He was overly tired and was obviously reading far too much into what could have easily been an innocent conversation. _But_ , a small, dark voice in the back of his mind objected, _why do so in a darkened corner? Why, if there’s nothing to hide, would they sneak off and be talking about you?_

 

Tom shook the thoughts away. There was a rational and reasonable explanation for what he’d stumbled onto. There had to be. Jenna and Matt had grown close over the years since they’d been introduced at a party not so dissimilar from this one. He’d known they’d frequently met up for lunch and for coffee. Hell, he had encouraged it. It had warmed his heart to know that two people he cared greatly for were getting along so well. There was no reason at all to think anything untoward had happened.

 

“Ah, Tom!” Ben called, waving him over. Tom went to rejoin his friend, pushing the strange scene from his head. He trusted Jenna to be honest with him and he trusted Matt to do the same.  There was nothing to fret over. Absolutely nothing at all.

 

The rest of the evening passed without comment. Jenna had found him, still in conversation with Ben, and had tucked herself neatly to his side. He leaned over and placed a soft kiss to the side of her head. She stayed by his side for the rest of the evening, chatting with Ben about his latest film and the comings and goings of his life. Tom found himself thinking longingly towards getting her home and being able to show her just how much he’d missed her.

 

The entire ride home she had been quiet, leaning her head against his shoulder but not speaking. It was strange but he was honestly too tired, and still just a bit too buzzed, to think about it properly. He’d felt himself lulled into near sleep by her warmth and the soft movement of the hire car. “Tom,” he heard her soft voice whisper in his ear. “Tom we’re home.”

 

He grumbled sleepily and climbed out of the car behind her. He waved the driver on and yawning, followed Jenna up the gate and into the house. Toeing off his shoes, Tom climbed the stairs to their room. He heard Jenna wandering around downstairs and paused on the second floor landing to call down to see if she was alright. A muffled “I’m fine” echoed back from what he thought may have been the living room. He nodded to himself and continued on his way to bedroom. Stripping in record time he stumbled into the bathroom, depositing his dirty clothing in the hamper by the door and set about washing his face and brushing his teeth. He tumbled into bed, sleep overtaking him almost the moment his head hit the pillow. He woke briefly when he felt Jenna crawl into the bed beside him. “Love you,” he mumbled his voice gravelly with sleep.

 

“Good night, Tom,” she whispered back, turning her back to him.

 

When he woke in the morning, he was alone in bed. Tom rubbed his eyes, tossing the covers off and rolled to the side of the bed. He stretched his arms over his head and let out a long yawn. “Jenna?” He called out. No response. A note sitting on the dresser caught his eye. He pushed himself to his feet, padding over to the dresser and grabbed the note.

 

_Sorry, called in early to work. Should be home mid-afternoon._

_Jenna_

 

Tom frowned at that. He had hoped that he would at least get to spend the morning with her. He’d been gone nearly four months and he’d missed her desperately. He let out a sigh, such as life. Grabbing a t-shirt from the closet, he pulled it over his head and padded downstairs. He yawned again made his way into the kitchen, his focus shifting from his disappoint at waking alone to obtaining caffeine and food as soon as possible. Ten minutes later with the coffee brewing on the counter and eggs cooking on the stove, Tom settled onto a barstool and took a deep breath.

 

The first thing on his agenda, after feeding himself he thought with a chuckle, was to set about unpacking. He was set to be home for the next several months and the sooner he stored those damned suitcases in the back of his closet, the better as far as he was concerned. After unpacking he would see about heading to the market and getting a head start on dinner for the evening. He wasn’t sure if tonight was _the_ night but knew it would be soon. He didn’t think he could stand waiting any longer.

 

Breakfast consumed, he set about pulling his suitcases from the hall where they’d been left the afternoon before towards the bedroom. He made a quick side trip to put the bag of dirty laundry by the washing machine. He grimaced at the amount he’d accumulated; that would be a job for another time. Once upstairs, he tossed the smaller of the two bags onto the bed and opened it. He took his time sorting through the remaining clothing, hanging what needed to be hung in the closet and folding the rest.

 

Once everything had been sorted, Tom headed back downstairs and into the living room towards the bookshelf along its back wall. He had several books he’d been meaning to read and now he finally had the time. His fingers traced along the spines of the books until he came across the novel he’d been searching for. Book in hand, Tom settled onto the couch. The loud chiming of his cellphone from across the room snapped him from the book. Placing the book face down on the chair arm, Tom pushed himself to his feet and went to see who was beckoning his attention.

 

Luke, of course. Reminding him of the meeting he had for a potential stage role early next week. Tom let out a sigh, he adored Luke, honestly he did, but the man never seemed to relax. He opened the messaging app to reply when his phone began the tell-tale beeping of the dying battery.

 

“Damn.”

 

He dropped the phone on the couch and went in search of his charge cord. Last he’d seen it was in his carry-on bag. But going through it revealed nothing. _Damn_. It had to be there somewhere. He checked again. Nothing. Frustrated, he grabbed his phone and ran upstairs. Maybe he’d stored it in his checked bag by mistake. It certainly wouldn’t have been the first time.

 

Tom tore through his luggage for the sixth time, cursing under his breath. He couldn’t find the blasted charger and had spent the last twenty minutes in frantic search. He could have sworn he’d packed it in his carry on but no such luck. And neither was it in his checked bag. Could he have possibly left it at the hotel in Spain? God, he hoped not. He had a terrible habit of misplacing charge cords. Luke had a running tally of how many he’d lost over the years and would take great pleasure in adding another to the board. Last count was at near a hundred, Luke had been smug to point out the last time they’d met face to face. So Tom had taken to keeping spare cords tucked in strategic places throughout the house. He let out a sigh as his phone beeped feebly signaling the imminent death of its battery and pushed himself to his feet, padding up the stairs and to the bedroom. Time to break into his emergency spare it seemed.

 

If he remembered correctly it should be in the drawer on the left hand side of the bed. He padded into the bedroom, hoping he hadn’t moved it at some point in the last few months. That was another of his rather unfortunate habits. He pulled the drawer open, moving aside the folded pieces of paper and other bits and bobs that had taken residence in the drawer, knocking a fair few pieces onto the floor. “Ah ha!” he breathed in triumph as he pulled the charge cord out, holding it aloft in mock victory. He chuckled at his own ridiculousness and tossed the cord onto the bed, bending over to pick up the mess he’d made.

 

His fingers brushed over a folded piece of paper. He picked it up, trying to remember what it possibly could be. He was forever stuffing random notes and script pages in the drawer by his bed, intent on studying over them later only to forget he’d done so. Thinking this had been a hapless victim of his unintentional carelessness; Tom unfolded the paper and scanned it over, a sinking sense of dread coursed through him as he read. A strangely familiar handwriting leapt out at him from the page, Matt’s handwriting he realized with a jolt, and he felt both hot and cold all at once. It wasn’t his letter. It had never been intended for his eyes.

 

Tom couldn’t seem to put the letter down though he wanted to throw it violently across the room. The words taunted him, speaking of all the things _he_ had wanted to do to her. All the things _he_ had done with her. ‘ _I dream about running my hands down your warm, inviting thighs, taking you hard and fast, having you scream my name…My beautiful Jen…You are mine far more than you were ever his, we both know this..’_. The world felt as though it had imploded beneath him, bits and pieces of a future so certain now crumbled and broken before him; the scene from the night before playing once more in his mind. _“Jen, please. We have to tell him.”_

 

 _Oh god_. 

 

His mind flashed to the ring hidden in his top drawer. He’d slaved over finding the perfect one for months, had dragged his baby sister to jeweler after jeweler, until finally he’d stumbled over what he’d felt was _the_ ring. A platinum band studded on the sides with small diamonds and at its center a beautifully cut circular diamond surrounded by small emeralds. It was stunning and he’d known as soon as the clerk had placed it before him that it would look perfectly at home on Jenna’s small left hand.

 

Emma had squealed in delight when she’d seen it. “My God, Tom, she’s going to absolutely adore it!” Her endorsement only confirmed his internal knowing that this was right; that she was it for him. He’d bought the ring without a second thought, storing it somewhere safe and secret while he plotted and planned just how to ask her to be his for the rest of their lives.

 

And now…Now, all of it was for nothing.

 

Tom ran a shaking hand through his hair. He wanted to scream. Wanted to cry. God, he wanted to hit something. He’d been such a fucking fool; so god damn fucking _trusting_ and now it had blown up in his face. The letter sat on the floor beside him and he wished for the hundredth time that he hadn’t found it. That he hadn’t read those beautiful, horrible words that had shattered the relationship he’d been so sure was solid and unshakable.

 

His head shot up at the sound of the door opening on the floor below. He heard Jenna’s muffled curse as she shoved the door closed with her foot quickly followed by her feet padding on the stairs as she called his name “Tom? You upstairs?”

 

It took him what felt like ages to find his voice enough to answer with a curt “Yes.” By that time she had rounded the corner and was standing in the doorway.

 

“Tom?” He could hear the confusion and concern in her voice and clinched his hands at the surge of anger that raced through him. With a calculated movement he bent and snatched the letter from the floor, holding out to her wordlessly. “Tom what is that…?” her voice trailed off as she took the letter in her hand and scanned over its contents. “I…What…How?” she stammered.

 

“You really should be more careful what you leaving laying about, darling.” His words were cool and clipped. “I was looking for my spare charger and found that instead.” He gestured towards the letter still clutched in Jenna’s now shaking hand. “Imagine my surprise, learning the woman I love fucked someone I considered a dear friend.” The laugh that fell from his lips was mirthless. “How many times, my love, did he have you when I wasn’t looking? How many times have I been the witless fool, thinking we were happy? How many times?”

 

He watched as she flinched at his words, tears forming in her eyes. “I didn’t mean for it to happen, Tom. Please believe me, we didn’t mean for this to happen. We didn’t go looking for this, either of us…It just happened.” She took a deep breath, eyes pleading and desperate. “I didn’t know how to tell you…What to say…I just…”

 

“Anything,” he hissed. “Anything would have been better than being fucking blindsided by this. Jesus, Jenna! Why didn’t you say something? Anything? Did I really make you that miserable that you would turn to someone else?”

 

She jerked at that. “I wasn’t miserable, Tom. I was lonely. You were gone. You were always gone.”

 

Tom blanched, feeling his heart crack in his chest. _Funny_ , he thought, _that it can do that when it’s already shattered_. “So instead of saying something to me, telling me how you felt, you went and fucked Matt instead?” He pushed himself to his feet and stormed to the other side of the room. He couldn’t stand to be near her now.

 

“We fell in love, Tom. We didn’t plan it. It happened.” She took a few tentative steps towards him, hand stretched out. He took an involuntary step backwards, not wanting her to touch him. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

 

Tom laughed bitterly, “Are you sorry it happened or just sorry that you got caught?” He shook his head, “No, never mind, I honestly don’t want to know.” He paused and ran his hand through his hair before brushing past her towards the bedroom door. “I need you to pack your things and leave. I don’t care where you go, but I cannot have you here.” Without waiting for her reply, he bounded down the stairs and out the front door.


End file.
